


never be enough of us

by multiverse (infrequency)



Series: you, on my skin [3]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Infidelity, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:22:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27532210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infrequency/pseuds/multiverse
Summary: Instead, Jeonghan has some fucked up facsimile of a relationship where he falls asleep in one man’s arms while tamping down his feelings about another. And he knows it’s the same for Seokmin.He doesn’t know if it’s better or worse knowing they’re both missing a piece of their heart.orplay along / make believe it's hyper real / i live in a hologram with you.
Relationships: Lee Seokmin | DK/Yoon Jeonghan
Series: you, on my skin [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1901848
Comments: 12
Kudos: 20
Collections: WIP OLYMPICS: WINTER 2020/21





	never be enough of us

**Author's Note:**

> author note: this is part of a spider-man au/series, but can be read as a standalone as this is pre-heartbeat on the high line. there is a mentioned character death, but if you've read the other parts of the series you know he's not actually dead.  
> i've tagged this fic as infidelity because the guilt is played up in a big way in this. this part is skippable if you're invested in their story but this is not something you can stomach. see end notes for further content warnings.  
>  **suggested listening:** mary magdalene – fka twigs; two weeks - fka twigs; buzzcut season – lorde; coming down - halsey; wipe your tears - halsey

i know where you start / where you end / how to please / how to curse  
–mary magdalene, fka twigs 

–

“You’re late.” 

Seokmin drags him inside the office and lets the door click shut behind them as their fingers intertwine. He brings Jeonghan’s knuckles to his mouth, a prince to a suitor, his soft lips brushing whisper-soft against each knuckle.

It would be romantic in another lifetime, in another universe where the kiss he shared with Seokmin as a teenager led to something more. In a world where Seungcheol didn’t up and disappear, leaving Jeonghan holding on by a thread.

The blinds shielding them from the outside world are closed, but he still feels overexposed under Seokmin’s dark stare, lips pressed to the ring that rests on his finger. Jeonghan shivers.

“I have maybe twenty minutes,” he reminds Seokmin acidly, yanking his hand away unceremoniously to wrap around the length of his tie. “So whatever you want to do, you better decide fast.”

“You have almost an hour actually if I call a car.” Jeonghan makes a noise at that, a mix of an irritated whine and elation. He wasn’t looking forward to his walk of shame back to the train station.

“Oh, my hero,” Jeonghan teases, wrapping the wide part around his fist and yanking him forward. “Is that what you want to hear? So you feel like your money was well-spent?”

Seokmin makes a face but follows the fabric with no resistance. The relaxed sigh he makes when their lips meet for the first time in hours is a jolt to the system, an electric current between them as they move against each other. 

Seokmin leads them backward, quickly navigating them across the room as they kiss. Jeonghan stumbles over something that cracks against the floor, and the noise echoes off the walls. If this were weeks prior, he would've jumped at the sound, taking it as a sign to leave.

Now he steps over it, shoving Seokmin backward with a gleeful, impish sound until his back hits the desk. Seokmin raises an eyebrow, glancing at the couch just some feet away, but Jeonghan is back on him in an instant before he can protest. No one can hear them up here anyway.

Some perks come with being the acting CEO of a company, and Seokmin takes them in stride, especially the large spacious office that they’ve nearly christened every flat surface in.

Jeonghan is here so often that he has his own badge, no longer needing an escort to take him up to the top floor. It’s access that any journalist would kill for, something that Jeonghan had tried to weasel his way into before when he was active on the business desk.

Funny how things change, he thinks, now that he's privy to shareholder meetings and other sensitive info, he usually misses any gossip-worthy information because his mind — and mouth — is otherwise occupied.

“You like it when I need you,” Seokmin sighs, pulling away for a moment, smoothing his hands down the sides of Jeonghan's arms, holding him in place.

“I like when you take care of me,” Jeonghan wiggles free and turns them around, so he's leaned against the desk. Seokmin takes the hint and follows, a moth to a lightbulb.

And it’s true, he thinks, as he admires a bruise left on the side of Seokmin's neck from the night prior. Jeonghan relishes in the comfort of the almost-relationship he and Seokmin have. He feels safe being held at night when the nightmares are too hard to face alone, and his apartment feels too big for one person. Seokmin understands that the shared spaces are now hallowed ground; they'll never meet in places that carry Seungcheol’s memory.

Jeonghan went to Seokmin first, a revelation that he seems to delight in. Seokmin respects the boundaries of his past, no longer asking leading questions that Jeonghan doesn't know the answers to. There's so much history between him and his fiancé that Jeonghan is uncertain he'll ever honestly know the full story about their falling out. Not that any of it is essential to know, now.

His swollen lips fall open again easily for Seokmin’s greedy mouth, letting his tongue glide over his for a moment before he sucks his bottom lip in, bearing down enough for Jeonghan to squirm in his hands.

“You ever done this before?” Seokmin mumbles against his skin, wet kisses on his cheek to his throat, and Jeonghan snorts.

"It's the one thing we haven't done in this stupid office."

He’s become more possessive lately, demanding to know and explore how only _he_ gets to have Jeonghan. His fascination with the engagement ring is something that Jeonghan hasn’t missed, something he’s unsure if he has the stomach to explore quite yet. Jeonghan knows what he’s thinking, and some sick part of himself loves the rush of _that_ , too.

That they’re both betraying Seungcheol’s trust. That they’re both getting revenge for being hurt. It’s not like Seungcheol can do anything about any of that, wherever he is.

Pulled back to reality by the insistent tugging on his sweater’s strings, Jeonghan shakes his head with a bright laugh, helping Seokmin shrug off his blazer. “No fun in the lab, no,” he replies seriously after a beat, swallowing hard.

Seokmin pulls back, and he’s practically glowing at his admission, crowding in as close as he can until Jeonghan can feel the blunt edge of the desk on his back.

“What do you only do for _me_?” Seokmin asks, leading, hands hooking under his legs to hoist him onto the desk. He slips between where Jeonghan’s legs have fallen open, hands traveling back up, up, _up_ , smoothing the fabric right where the sweater tumbles over Jeonghan’s thighs.

The question has Jeonghan’s stomach twisting in knots. Guilt and thrill meet in the middle and bubble to the surface, threatening to overflow.

He's the only person he's ever—

Seokmin pulls him out of it again, weaving their fingers together to bring them to his thigh, sliding up until Jeonghan’s hand moves over his hardening length in his slacks.

Jeonghan swallows hard but keeps his face stoic, heel of his palm against the imprint. His responding gasp gets lost between them, Seokmin’s head falling against his shoulder. “You tell me. What do I only do for you?”

Hands span the small of his back, caging him in between Seokmin's arms. The moment is anticipatory, and Seokmin is downright giddy at the possibility of discovery. Of something that’s only his and Jeonghan’s, even with Seungcheol’s ghost carving a space between them.

The first time that he had Seokmin, it was tense and teary-eyed, both of them crying in a parking garage and mourning the loss of someone they both loved. When he came with whimpering watery sounds into Jeonghan’s coat and white-hot and sticky around Jeonghan’s fist, Seokmin saying his dead fiancé’s name had been a match to gasoline, a dirty flicker of _something_ that had set them off.

A revealing moment. Mutual sadness.

Now, Seokmin sinks to his knees, nimble fingers skimming higher onto Jeonghan’s waist to tug his pants off his slim waist and down to his knees.

"For starters, you're the only person I've had in this office, ever," he says, palming at his dick until Jeonghan is hard in his hands.

If only the gossip columnist in Jeonghan’s office could see the most eligible bachelor in Seoul now. He’s so well-behaved in public, polite and cordial even in business meetings, but with Jeonghan, it’s another story. He's filthy when he's on his knees, eyes wide and begging for more. Rough, hot, heavy, needy. The parts of Seokmin that are his and his alone.

“And later,” Seokmin’s voice is casual, kissing at his cock, nudging at it with his nose, and basking in the gasps that spill out of Jeonghan. Jeonghan feels dizzy already, room only spinning faster when Seokmin continues, “You’ll be the only person to come on my fingers in my new bed.”

Jeonghan stares down at him glassy-eyed, only barely seeing the flash of a smile before Seokmin takes him in on his tongue. His fingers find their way to Seokmin’s hair, mussing up the perfectly coiffed look.

Jeonghan wants to ruin him.

“I’m–ah, gonna hold you to that,” he says, breath catching. Seokmin’s throat constricts when he laughs, nose pressed against Jeonghan’s skin.

There’s something about Seokmin that he’s always envied, so easygoing and graceful in the public eye, barely batting an eyelash when they sent his father to prison, even when Jeonghan called him frantic about Seungcheol. The money he funneled into trying to find him for a year before Seungcheol's family begged him to stop. Paying for the funeral, all of it seemed easy. Seemed like the right thing to do.

How easily Jeonghan let him back into his life is one thing. How easily he let Jeonghan in his bed is another.

Sometimes he feels guilty when Seokmin sinks onto his cock and looks at him with a wide-eyed wonder that has Jeonghan wondering how his life would’ve been different if he had chosen him instead of Seungcheol.

Would he be on Seokmin's arm in the society papers, instead of some beautiful model-slash-influencer of the moment? Would Seungcheol still be with them, or would he have chosen a different life path?

Sometimes, in seconds before falling asleep next to Seokmin, Jeonghan imagines a life path where he doesn’t have to choose one man to love and has them both with him, surrounding him, hands on him, and filling him with love.

Instead, Jeonghan has some fucked up facsimile of a relationship where he falls asleep in one man’s arms while tamping down his feelings about another. And he knows it’s the same for Seokmin.

He doesn’t know if it’s better or worse knowing they’re both missing a piece of their heart.

But God does he love when it’s messy and complicated, with Seokmin's throat constricting around him as Jeonghan fucks into his mouth, when there’s so much spit dripping down Seokmin’s chin that he can feel it track wet lines into his skin, when Seokmin’s tongue drags along the seam from base to tip. Claiming the territory.

 _Mine_ , he had said, the first time Jeonghan had spent the night. _My Jeonghannie hyung._

“That’s it, sweetheart. It’s yours.” The answering vibrations from Seokmin’s chest feel amazing, Jeonghan's head falling back as he sinks to his elbows.

Seokmin pulls off to tug Jeonghan back upright to kiss his mouth, sloppy and sticky with the taste of sweat and salt. His pants are undone and around his ankles on the floor, and Jeonghan shoves a warm hand into his underwear, squeezing.

“This for me, honey?”

Seokmin nods with a dazed look on his face, red tinting the tops of his ears down to his chest as Jeonghan takes him out of the cotton and leads him forward until they're flush against each other.

When Jeonghan gets them off with his long fingers wrapped around both of them, sticky and skin catching against skin, it's weirdly tender for what this is. Rushed and messy, layers tugged off and piling on the floor to get as close to skin-to-skin as possible, but too much eye contact. Too much heavy silence.

Seokmin is _wrecked_ , letting out sounds that send shocks from the back of Jeonghan’s neck down to the tip of his toes.

Seokmin’s arms rest around Jeonghan’s broad shoulders, mumbling something that sounds like _yours_ , but it doesn’t satisfy the demon they’ve created. The monster that feeds off their mutual misery and desire.

His mouth hangs open, and Jeonghan watches him, still committing his reactions and tells to memory as he brings himself closer to the edge, fighting for focus. Their eyes meet again, and Seokmin lets out a nervous giggle that reminds Jeonghan of the time he had dared Seungcheol to kiss him. Anxious.

Of their own first kiss. Cautious.

A sadness there, worried that what's in front of him will slip away.

Jeonghan brings their mouths back together, more of an open-mouthed meeting than a kiss, letting Seokmin sigh his darkest secrets between them.

“Who does this for you?” Jeonghan says it more than he asks because he knows the answer. There is no one else; it’s always been the three of them, now two and the ghost in the room. Seokmin makes a frustrated sound that has his head spinning, and Jeonghan squeezes enough for it to feel good before letting go again.

Jeonghan needs to hear the answer as much as he needs release, if not more. “Say it again, baby,” he says, breathless.

Seokmin makes a noise of protest that Jeonghan ignores, pressing a placating kiss to the top of his chest. The blooming bruise in the shape of his teeth at the base of Seokmin’s throat catches his eye, and he takes a moment to admire it. It’s special, leaving a souvenir behind to know that you’ve been there.

Already Jeonghan is already plotting out his next trip, how he'll map the birdcage of his ribs with his mouth and fingertips, getting to know every inch of skin.

Seokmin’s hips jerk forward, begging for more with his eyes, but Jeonghan lets go of his cock and stares up at him with an impassive face.

“Hyung–” Seokmin starts again, but Jeonghan wraps his legs around him tighter until their bodies are flush. He chokes off when Jeonghan leans up, breath warming the shell of his ear. “You know what I want you to say. Say you’re mine.”

“Yours,” Seokmin replies reflexively, letting his head drop down onto Jeonghan’s shoulder. “Always yours, always been yours–”

“Yeah?” That doesn’t quite satisfy the ugly demon, curling in his chest and craving more than he deserves. “Always gonna be mine, Seokminnie?” _Always_ is strong. _Always_ promises things that Jeonghan doesn’t think he knows how to give anymore, but for Seokmin, he’d try.

But for now,

“‘s’long as you want me, hyung, a-always s’gonna be yours–” and this time, when he says Seungcheol’s name as he comes, Jeonghan can’t help but gasp it out, too. Seokmin's kisses turn to saline on his tongue.

“Your car’s here.”

Seokmin’s voice comes out in a rasp, grabbing the edge of the desk to keep his balance. The wipes feel cold on Jeonghan’s skin, but Seokmin is tender with the cleanup. He always is.

Jeonghan hates that it feels weird every time the lusty haze evaporates, and it doesn’t help that Seokmin can never quite look him in the eye. He feels sticky and gross under his hoodie, the fabric sticking to his neck where the sweat collects.

The ring still on his left hand feels as heavy as the silence.

Seokmin still doesn’t look at him after getting dressed, turning his head when Jeonghan goes to kiss him goodbye.

“I’ll see you later?” Seokmin always asks as if he’s uncertain, like he's trying to give Jeonghan an out. The voice in the back of Jeonghan's head tells him to say no. To go home to his apartment after work and to honor a relationship that he still holds a candle for. 

That it’s irresponsible to be in love with two people at once.

Jeonghan hugs himself. The scent that laid dormant in the sweater is now replaced with the smell of sweat, Seokmin’s cologne, and sex.

Everything familiar goes away eventually.

“Yeah," Jeonghan agrees. "I’ll see you.”

**Author's Note:**

> the you, on my skin timeline of events: never be enough of us --> heartbeat on the high line --> for the hope of it all  
> [my cc](http://curiouscat.qa/infrequenced) || [extended a/n](https://infrequencies.dreamwidth.org/3012.html)  
>    
> **content warnings:** major character death, mention of seungcheol's funeral. from a legal standpoint, it's far too soon for seungcheol to truly be considered dead, so it's more of a vigil. comfort blowjobs/hand jobs. guilt and angst. possessiveness. seokmin says seungcheol's name, and it's mentioned as happening in the past also. this part was of the story only emphasizes a section of part two, and isn't necessarily needed to understand anything moving forward except better contextualizing what that shared grief looks like.  
> big thank you to everyone who loves these boys and their world as much as i do. i make them communicate better moving forward.


End file.
